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NLP and Professional Success
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by Bob Hoffmeyer
first published in Marin Scope newspapers (2003)
Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) has a wide range of very useful
applications in human relations––essentially anywhere
that two or more people are interacting with a common objective.
This is because, at its core, NLP is about understanding both how
we human beings create meaning in life and the behavior we engage
in as a result of that created meaning. With this understanding,
we are then able to act with greater flexibility and resourcefulness
and are able to more elegantly influence others with integrity.
Briefly stated, the professional support you can expect from NLP
can be conveyed in four words: connection, understanding, communication,
and influence.
NLP begins with the observation that each of us has a unique internal
map of reality and that it is this map that we all operate from
most of the time; even when interacting with others or the world
“out there.” The skill sets in the NLP model enable us
to get access to these internal maps, and to understand them. As
a result, we are more able to connect with others in deeper ways
(appropriate to the context) and to then communicate with them in
the language of their map. This makes it easier for us to understand
them and they to understand us. Deeper connection and understanding,
in turn, affect our ability to influence with integrity toward the
end of accomplishing our common objective.
Studying NLP involves learning a wide variety of perceptual and
behavioral skills. Perceptual skills have to do with broadening
the range of what we notice. Behavioral skills have to do with increasing
our flexibility in what we do; how we respond. Beyond these two
broad distinctions, there are a variety of ways to group these skills.
In the world of business, the following categories are useful.
Nonverbal Communication. For the most part, these are messages
coming from outside of conscious awareness and are an essential
part of what the person is trying to convey. This skill set involves
both noticing and utilizing the nonverbal messages.
Calibration. This involves first noticing physiology (body
movements, eye movements, voice variations, etc.) and then relating
it to a unique internal state or experience the speaker is having.
When combined with the words the speaker is using this assists us
to determine congruency in the message being conveyed. This skill
also assists us to usefully adjust our responses throughout the
interaction.
Rapport. Rapport skills cover a broad range of perceptual
and behavioral abilities that enable deep connection with those
with whom we are interacting. This connection is with both conscious
and (often more importantly) unconscious aspects of the individual.
Rapport does not necessarily mean agreement. It is closer to connection
or link-up. Without connection, whatever else we do in our interaction
with others cannot succeed. The success of any interaction is directly
related to the degree of rapport or connection.
Listening. The words that we use have unique meaning to
us. Realizing this and working with the words the other uses significantly
enhance connection, understanding, and our ability to influence.
Discerning the meaning that the word the other uses has for them
rather than substituting our word and meaning (in the assumption
that we know what they mean) is often critical to avoiding misunderstanding.
Information Gathering. This involves precise utilization
of questions which leads to greater clarity and to more quickly
getting to useful information and avoiding that which is extraneous
or misleading.
Noticing Objections. This is what NLP refers to as “ecology.”
It has to do with identifying, in advance, the objections (often
unconscious) that will prevent or sabotage accomplishing the ostensibly
agreed objective.
Speaking. The NLP communication toolbox contributes to effectiveness
in communication because it provides the speaker with the skills
and tools to take responsibility for both what is said and for what
is heard. Through utilization of the skills listed above, the speaker
is able to assume the full responsibility for ensuring that real
communication actually takes place. Whether one-on-one or in front
of a group, the speaker is able to adjust the way he or she is speaking
to ensure that it can easily be taken in and understood by the audience.
All of the skills referred to are interrelated and are used in
combination. They are used, first, to become aware of the unique
way in which those we are working with take in information, process
it, and store it. Second, these skills enable us to adjust our presentation
and, therefore, our interaction with the other's map. As a result,
the outcome of the interaction will more closely match the desired
outcome, with greater ease and mutual satisfaction.
In the original research that led to the development of the NLP
model, highly effective individuals were observed working. While
they work in different fields and used different methods, one ability
stood out as being that which made the difference between excellence
and effectiveness or the lack of it. Highly effective individuals
all had the ability to respectfully step onto the map of the people
they were working with and do their work from there.
Training in the NLP model is both a human relations skills training
and a program of personal development. Learning new skills and developing
oneself go hand in glove, and most often both are required for greater
success. Following are examples of ways NLP can contribute to professional
success:
• Greater ability to understand and respectfully influence
others.
• More clearly know where you want to go and how to get there.
• Quickly establish rapport with colleagues and clients and
maintain it.
• Resolve conflict and build effective, aligned teams.
• Teach to your students' best learning style.
• Avoid "losing the deal" because of simple misunderstanding.
• Develop effective people skills.
• More quickly get to the useful information and avoid getting
sidetracked.
• Shift your own mental state and stay optimally resourceful
in any situation.
• Eliminate internal obstacles to success.
• Acquire the success strategies of others.
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